61157
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l1berum: OMG HE WAS SLEEPING WITH HIS NOSE JUST ABOVE WATER LEVEL

"

I no longer need you to fuck me as hard
as I hate myself.

Make love to me
like you know I am better than the worst thing I ever did.
Go slow.
I’m new to this
but I have seen nearly every city from a rooftop without jumping.
I have realized

that the moon did not have to be full for us to love it.
We are not tragedies
stranded here beneath it.

"

We Were Emergencies, Buddy Wakefield (via ellesugars)

(Source: ymehcuotrac, via rockymandragon)

  • mom : did you eat all the donuts
  • me : no
  • mom : why are you lying to me i can see all the powder on your pants
  • me : thats cocaine
312
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stfuconservatives: Bloomberg Business has an exciting new promotion: Parents are invited to use a ripoff someecard to tell their recent college graduate to move the fuck out. Bonus: 12 free issues of Bloomberg Businessweek! Because reading about business will make you better at finding a job. I wanted to see what kind of life-changing career advice they were offering, and here’s one of the most popular videos from their front page: Why can’t McDonald’s serve Egg McMuffins all day? When you move out and buy a house and car and pay back your student loans early on your McDonald’s salary, you’ll have Bloomberg Businessweek to thank!!! So do get it, recent grads? It’s your fault the economy is in the tank. Because you’re a drain on the economy for taking out college loans and being unable to find a job that pays above minimum wage after your graduate. Because you caused the housing bubble and the bank meltdowns. Because your generation are the ones in Congress letting Wall Street CEOs slide and not increasing the minimum wage and rewarding mega-corporations with tax writeoffs. Oh, wait, that was your parents! Tee hee. Move out, slacker! This actually reminded me of one of my favorite Onion articles: Study finds college education leaves most graduates unprepared to carry entire American economic recovery (Bonus points for anyone else who snickered that they abbreviate themselves to BBW)

gayoak:

(whispers) its a-ok to rely on fictional characters to get you through your life bc life is hard ok if it makes you happy stick w/ it and anybody who says otherwise can go fuck themselves (pets u gentlee)

(via doomslock)

rnilkbreath:

failedtextpost:

rnilkbreath:

analprolapsing:

how in holy fuck do you not like hawaiian pizza i’m seriously gonna call the police

LISTEN UP DICK NERD. THINGS U PUT ON PIZZA INCLUDE: TOMATO, CHEESE, MEAT, SOME VEGGIES (NOT LIKE CARROTS BUT LIKE ONIONS) AND THATS IT. DONT FUCKIN PUT FRUIT ON PIZZA. FUCKIN

brooke tomatoes are fruits

FUCK YOU

(via choir-nerd)

teenagedaddy:

its hard to be a good person when everyone is so stupid

(via roaringspears)

tarttoter:

im gonna vomit because tegan and sara have become my life like when did this happen when did i become emotionally attached to the word ptosis

(via kissing-tobeclever)

lameborghini:

*sends u nudes but just as a friend*

(via frosty-butt)

COSMO SEX TIP #8329

arekelly:

Instead of moaning during climax say “Flash 9 required for audio”.

(via doomslock)

omniturtle:

do u ever just look at someone and think “how are they so nice they are literally the sweetest person ever what dark secrets are they hiding”

(via frosty-butt)

55777
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misha-bawlins: stopotpstop: raggedytrenchcoats: Some things you probably didn’t know about Misha Collins Misha was arrested for reading a book on top of a bank because he “needed better lighting”. He stole security badges from the White House and turned them into a mobile. He has spent the night in an igloo (it was not a pleasant experience). Misha smells like cinnamon and watermelon. He renewed his wedding vows at a supermarket. With a bouquet of vegetables. Dressed in drag. When Misha was younger, he was known for stealing people’s shoes and licking strangers’ ice cream cones He organised a tea party in the middle of a highway. He made the police who were sent to charge him sit down and had tea instead. He lost to Jared Padalecki in Words With Friends. He owed him $1970 and paid in four buckets of coins. He crossed the Tibet border w/o a visa in a vegetable truck

ranetree:

I am an intelligent, eloquent, well-mannered young woman who just so happens to say “fuck” a lot.

(via restless--youngatheart)

circumcising:

are we gunna have sex or are you going to continue to like my posts 

(via restless--youngatheart)

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