Absolutely Fucking Insane

mom : did you eat all the donuts

Fri, 24 May 2013 16:31:07 -0700

mom : did you eat all the donuts
me : no
mom : why are you lying to me i can see all the powder on your pants
me : thats cocaine

stfuconservatives: Bloomberg Business has an exciting new...

Fri, 24 May 2013 16:30:24 -0700

stfuconservatives:

Bloomberg Business has an exciting new promotion: Parents are invited to use a ripoff someecard to tell their recent college graduate to move the fuck out. Bonus: 12 free issues of Bloomberg Businessweek! Because reading about business will make you better at finding a job.

I wanted to see what kind of life-changing career advice they were offering, and here’s one of the most popular videos from their front page: Why can’t McDonald’s serve Egg McMuffins all day? When you move out and buy a house and car and pay back your student loans early on your McDonald’s salary, you’ll have Bloomberg Businessweek to thank!!!

So do get it, recent grads? It’s your fault the economy is in the tank. Because you’re a drain on the economy for taking out college loans and being unable to find a job that pays above minimum wage after your graduate. Because you caused the housing bubble and the bank meltdowns. Because your generation are the ones in Congress letting Wall Street CEOs slide and not increasing the minimum wage and rewarding mega-corporations with tax writeoffs. Oh, wait, that was your parents! Tee hee. Move out, slacker!

This actually reminded me of one of my favorite Onion articles: Study finds college education leaves most graduates unprepared to carry entire American economic recovery

(Bonus points for anyone else who snickered that they abbreviate themselves to BBW)

gayoak: (whispers) its a-ok to rely on fictional characters to get you through your life bc life is...

Fri, 24 May 2013 16:25:09 -0700

gayoak:

(whispers) its a-ok to rely on fictional characters to get you through your life bc life is hard ok if it makes you happy stick w/ it and anybody who says otherwise can go fuck themselves (pets u gentlee)

rnilkbreath: failedtextpost: rnilkbreath: analprolapsing: how in holy fuck do you not like...

Fri, 24 May 2013 16:24:44 -0700

rnilkbreath:

failedtextpost:

rnilkbreath:

analprolapsing:

how in holy fuck do you not like hawaiian pizza i’m seriously gonna call the police

LISTEN UP DICK NERD. THINGS U PUT ON PIZZA INCLUDE: TOMATO, CHEESE, MEAT, SOME VEGGIES (NOT LIKE CARROTS BUT LIKE ONIONS) AND THATS IT. DONT FUCKIN PUT FRUIT ON PIZZA. FUCKIN

brooke tomatoes are fruits

FUCK YOU

teenagedaddy: its hard to be a good person when everyone is so stupid

Fri, 24 May 2013 16:24:03 -0700

teenagedaddy:

its hard to be a good person when everyone is so stupid

tarttoter: im gonna vomit because tegan and sara have become my life like when did this happen when...

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:34:18 -0700

tarttoter:

im gonna vomit because tegan and sara have become my life like when did this happen when did i become emotionally attached to the word ptosis

lameborghini: sends u nudes but just as a friend

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:32:57 -0700

lameborghini:

*sends u nudes but just as a friend*

COSMO SEX TIP #8329

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:32:26 -0700

arekelly:

Instead of moaning during climax say “Flash 9 required for audio”.

omniturtle: do u ever just look at someone and think “how are they so nice they are literally the...

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:32:10 -0700

omniturtle:

do u ever just look at someone and think “how are they so nice they are literally the sweetest person ever what dark secrets are they hiding”

misha-bawlins: stopotpstop: raggedytrenchcoats: Some things...

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:31:37 -0700

misha-bawlins:

stopotpstop:

raggedytrenchcoats:

Some things you probably didn’t know about Misha Collins

Misha was arrested for reading a book on top of a bank because he “needed better lighting”.

He stole security badges from the White House and turned them into a mobile.

He has spent the night in an igloo (it was not a pleasant experience).

Misha smells like cinnamon and watermelon.

He renewed his wedding vows at a supermarket. With a bouquet of vegetables. Dressed in drag.

When Misha was younger, he was known for stealing people’s shoes and licking strangers’ ice cream cones

He organised a tea party in the middle of a highway. He made the police who were sent to charge him sit down and had tea instead.

He lost to Jared Padalecki in Words With Friends. He owed him $1970 and paid in four buckets of coins.

He crossed the Tibet border w/o a visa in a vegetable truck

ranetree: I am an intelligent, eloquent, well-mannered young woman who just so happens to say...

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:30:11 -0700

ranetree:

I am an intelligent, eloquent, well-mannered young woman who just so happens to say “fuck” a lot.

circumcising: are we gunna have sex or are you going to continue to like my posts

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:29:51 -0700

circumcising:

are we gunna have sex or are you going to continue to like my posts

Photo

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:28:10 -0700

castieltheangelofthursgay: jawslightning: the best tumblr has...

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:27:52 -0700

castieltheangelofthursgay:

jawslightning:

the best tumblr has to offer

yahoo paid $1.1 billion for this

you’re shitting us right

poopflow: pros to kissing me ?????? kissing???? cons to kissing me ur kissing me ???????

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:23:18 -0700

poopflow:

pros to kissing me

??????

kissing????

cons to kissing me

ur kissing me

???????

roaringspears: the-birthday-blog: The Birthday Blog Zodiac...

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:22:43 -0700

roaringspears:

the-birthday-blog:

The Birthday Blog Zodiac Necklace Giveaway!

I am not an expert jewelry maker, but I am pretty crafty, so I made some necklaces to give away to my lovely followers! Here are the rules:

You must be following The Birthday Blog to qualify.

There will be 12 winners, one for each sign.

Only reblog this post once to enter. When you reblog, say what sign you are, please!

The giveaway will end on June 30.

Spread the word, and good luck! (:

Libra!

The Leo one minus the beads pls.

Photo

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:22:05 -0700

Elizabeth hardly ever mentioned her mother, but a locket-ring...

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:20:23 -0700

Elizabeth hardly ever mentioned her mother, but a locket-ring she wore says more than a million words ever could: inside the ring was a picture of Elizabeth and her mother, Anne Boleyn.

Photo

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:19:39 -0700

thecouscousqueen: grrrlfever: Cosmo sex tip #394: Once your man reaches orgasm, awkwardly embrace...

Fri, 24 May 2013 14:55:18 -0700

thecouscousqueen:

grrrlfever:

Cosmo sex tip #394: Once your man reaches orgasm, awkwardly embrace him and whisper “well done Draco.”

I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD I SWEAR